Thursday, May 29, 2008

Making wedding plans

By Bob Canning
For the Argus-Courier

Bonnie Arthur and Kay Kerriden are a most committed couple. In 1992, on their 20th anniversary together, they had their first commitment ceremony in Glastonbury, England. The second ceremony took place in Tahiti five years later, and the third in 2000, on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. They were also civilly united in Vermont that same year.

On May 15, when the California Supreme Court ruled 4-3 to allow same-sex marriage, Arthur and Kerriden immediately started making plans for “the real deal” to be held in August.

“We’ve waited 36 years for this,” Arthur enthused. “I guess when you’re denied marriage, or the freedom to choose that, it makes you want it more.”

“We’re of a generation who thought you should marry the person you love,” Kerriden added.

Arthur, 72, is a retired schoolteacher who is active on the Democratic Central Committee, and Kerriden, 67, is on the board of the Petaluma Health Care District. For 33 years, the women lived in a house in Penngrove that Arthur designed, and raised two girls each. Both women now live in a Petaluma condo, and have four grandchildren apiece. Arthur also has a great-grandson.

While the marriage-equality issue has galvanized many Petaluma lesbians, it apparently hasn’t resonated as strongly with gay men. Five male couples between the ages of 40 and 60 were contacted. None had any immediate desire to marry, but all expressed support of the Supreme Court’s decision. One high-profile businessman stated that his work brings him in contact with many conservative Christians, and marriage to his partner of 16 years might adversely affect his business.

In marked contrast, Linda Postenrieder and Donna Hinshaw of the Pelican Art Gallery are planning a December wedding to commemorate their 16th anniversary. However, Postenrieder, whose parents are devout Lutherans, said, “There’s only about a 5 percent chance that they’ll come.”

Tuscan Gardens’ Sharon McAuley and Rose Zamudio have been together 13 years. “We got married in San Francisco four years ago, but that’s invalid. We will definitely get married again, but we haven’t picked the date yet,” McAuley said.

Likewise, attorney Pamela Asselmeier and longtime companion Lisa Krieshok, a graphic artist, are also planning to marry, but haven’t decided when, according to Krieshok.

The Rev. David Miller, rector of St. John’s Anglican Church, is no stranger to the gay rights controversy and supports the California Marriage Protection Act, which states “only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.”

He is also sensitive to the polarization the court’s ruling has created.

“No matter how deeply we may disagree, differences in opinion on both sides need to be discussed without anger or mean-spiritedness,” he said. “Although, based on Judeo-Christian scripture, I cannot condone these marriages, I would certainly be happy to help and support these people with any problem if called upon to do so.”

For the most part, the women interviewed said they are finding strong support from heterosexual friends and relatives. “So many straight people have asked to be invited to our wedding,” Kerriden said. “We now have over 200 guests.”

“And between the two of us,” Arthur added, “we have four very excited daughters. Even our grandchildren are excited.”

Arthur, the daughter of an Episcopal priest, adamantly disagrees with Miller’s contention that children benefit more from one man and one woman as parents.

“When my oldest daughter got married, I received a beautiful letter from my late ex-mother-in-law congratulating me on how well I raised my daughters,” she said. “Kay and I helped each other raise our girls and she did a great job with hers.” Kerriden’s 45-year-old daughter, Stacey Hamilton, said, “We were the perfect blended family. Mom was the maternal one and Bonnie was the disciplinarian. They did their jobs as parents and we all turned out fine.”

In the meantime, the Arthur-Kerriden nuptial plans are progressing smoothly.

“We’re having such fun planning our wedding, ordering our outfits and looking at parks to have the ceremony in,” Arthur said. “‘Our song’ was popular when we first met in 1972, and we’ll have someone sing it at our wedding — the Carpenters’ ‘We’ve Only Just Begun.’”

(Contact Bob Canning at argus@arguscourier.com)